well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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