I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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