just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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