so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize