since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
