I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize