I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize