sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
