Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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