it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
