girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
