how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize