Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A+ Viking dick
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
