Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
