i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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