i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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