You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Actions speak louder than pants.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
