She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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