sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Found the puke drawer
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
