I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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