and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
