Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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