He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
