Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So gin and wine won't be happening again
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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