Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
