So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
