What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
