I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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