so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
