I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
