My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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