went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
How's work?
Spinning.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize