great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
