I think my vagina is haunted
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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