Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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