You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
