16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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