Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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