I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
