So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
