Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
our cab driver is having phone sex.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
