Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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