Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You made out with two different species that night
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
