How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just gargled with NyQuil
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
