It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
