What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
