Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
