do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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