u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
