Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
