my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
