i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He has the fingertips of a God
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