I accidentally had phone sex last night
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
