She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
