who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
