My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
