I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
