Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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