You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
