Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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