woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
