This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
