i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
