its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
