We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
