Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
