So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
