So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wish there were birth control emojis
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
