Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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