i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
