I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
