he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
