you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I need to align my fucking chakras
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
