2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
