whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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